


To Allag

by CorvidRoses



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, M/M, sad catboys ahead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24620296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorvidRoses/pseuds/CorvidRoses
Summary: When fate is bound to nothing but a dream, can you even dare to find hope?And when a sliver of hope is found, do you claim it?
Relationships: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	To Allag

**Author's Note:**

> yes, this is a nod to FFX, let me have this

G’raha had been missing from camp for some while now. 

This, the team of NOAH would take notice of after conversation had died down about their colleagues being stolen away beyond the rift. The warrior had offered to search for him, that he was truly the least qualified to help with research on the rift stabilizer. Perhaps, he thought, if G’raha had gone off alone, he’d want the presence of a friend rather than a duty-tasked son of Saint Coinach.

It would prove difficult, however, with the sun slipping lower and lower into the sky, and the night’s chill returning to the air.

Though shoes were planted firmly into the dirt when A'tali finally finds G’raha; he's taken his boots off and is up to his knees in the water with his pants rolled up, staring at the tower and babbling, muttering under his breath in a mix of common and a language that no one alive can speak, shaking, on the verge of tears because he can't make his brain stop-- there's too much and he has no idea that it's going to get so much worse before it gets better, when the pieces are all plugged into the correct places later. 

This was not what he was expecting when being asked to go find G'raha Tia. He was exhausted, blood and sweat from Xande's defeat still clinging to him, the burden of what had happened to Unei and Doga fresh in his mind. 

Tali utters his name, not wanting to scare him suddenly, when he didn’t seem to acknowledge his approach at all. It’s just a worried mumble at his lips. He comes closer, his hand extending to reach out to him.

A'tali stops at the water’s edge. He hasn’t dared let himself go near waters like this since he lost his family. It’s a lake, he _shouldn’t_ be afraid. 

He can hear the pain in G'raha's voice. He takes off his boots. He doesn’t think to roll up his pants before trekking in after him. He gently touches his arm.  
“G’raha, I’m here. Are you hurting..?”

"I--It's--A'...Tali. _Tali_." Maybe it's the first time he's called him that way, exactly. 

"The closer we get, the more I feel it-- this... this thing. The _Royal Eye_." He says it with something like derision, as if all of his childhood torment's come back to haunt him at once. G'raha reaches up to cover his crimson eye as though he wishes he had the courage to claw it out. A moment of weakness. That would not save him. 

"All that I know. Mayhap I have not ever known it, it was just this. _This_ inside of me, whispering the secrets of Allag. I... My destiny is..." He stops suddenly, holding his head higher, evening out his voice. 

"My friend-- All is well. I think. I am just duly overwhelmed by the wonders and horrors we have witnessed this day. We must needs press on that we might aid Unei and Doga beyond the rift--"

The warrior is silent for a moment, trying to comprehend what it was he’d just witnessed. He can scarcely believe he’s fine. He reaches out and takes his hand then.

“Aye, I believe that would be the only right thing to do.”

He looks down to their hands, before back up to his profile.

“But before that, I would have you cease your lying. You are not well. Most can see the surface of it. You are my colleague and my friend, and I dare feel something closer even still, and I would not have you hide your heart from me.”

He treks past him, further into the lake, his fear barely bothering him. He hardly cares if they come back soaking  
“Mortal beings can only bottle up so much before they drown, can you not bear to release that ache unto me when it might ease you to not be the only one aware of what is truly happening?”

The scholar stares at the Warrior for several long moments, heart pounding, his trembling still visible even as he tightens his grip. He has been ever dependable, a strange and lovely blessing amidst his own natural self-isolation and so-called grating personality. G'raha squeezes his fingers, mind still screaming words he knows and words he doesn't, couldn't, even a scholar such as him. 

" **Please** ," But it comes out wrong; the elegant but guttural language of the Ancients. "Tali I. I'm afraid. Something... something that is not me is waking up inside of me. When this is over I. Somehow I know. I shall not be the "me" that you know." 

He meets his eyes, gaze deathly serious as he steps deeper into the water, feeling it rising up to his thighs, then his hips. The light of crystal plays off of his pale complexion, deepening A'tali's darker one as he then suddenly slips and fumbles, arms slung around the Warrior's middle to regain his balance. Even when he has his footing he does not let go. 

"I think I knew the moment I set out. I understand now, why-- why old Baldesion forbade me. He. Must have known..." Did Louisoix as well? Was he shepherded here to 'die' for the appropriate cause at the appropriate time?

G'raha lowers his gaze, bangs obscuring his vision as he wrestles with the emotion that thought causes to rise up in him.

A’Tali doesn’t dare react abruptly to the other grasping him for support, carefully holding him against him as they bathe in the light of the tower, now sunk up to their chests in the waters of Lake Silvertear. He keeps his gaze, and he means not to look as sorrow ridden as he is.

In his short time as the warrior of light, he’s hardly faced a challenge this hard on his heart. But for him, he would bear it. A hand comes up to brush through the scholar’s hair, running it damp.

“It seems as if I must seek out a means to avert your destiny then, doesn’t it? To see Unei and Doga’s destiny through but to save you as well...”

He looks to the tower for a moment, taking in just how high its spires climb, before his now calm gaze returns, and he cups the other’s cheek. For now, he refuses to think about the impossibility of his promise. 

“Yet if you must lose yourself, do not think for a moment that you would lose me. As I’ve promised you, I would stand by your side through any adventure, no matter how perilous, that I would not see you ever be alone again...”

The pain in A'tali's eyes is too much to bear. This wasn't meant to end up like this. When he'd heard Rammbroes had managed to rope in extra 'muscle' on his project, he had never expected to see the man he'd tailed through the ruins of the shards of Dalamud turn up, ready for duty. If only he had been rougher with him in the Shroud perhaps he could've dissuaded him entirely-- a stupid thought. No, an _impossibility _.__

__G'raha's bottom lip trembles as he stares at the other man, duel-toned gaze flicking across his face as if searching for something. A sharp breath sucked through his nose as his eyes shone and then with a stifled little sob, the tears come full force._ _

__"I. I wanted to see it. To see the world through your eyes-- to travel the wilds and fight for this world. But. But I _must_." He would understand when Unei and Doga's blood completed his awakening-- but for now, his broken mind's sorrow is too much. He raises a hand to try to cover his face-- and his shame at having broken down--as his shoulders shake._ _

__As if to mock his sorrow, the light the Tower casts refracts off the crystalline formations nearby, casting eerie blue shades upon his skin._ _

__His sobs pierce Tali's heart like nothing he’s ever felt before. This achingly painful, arrow to the chest, _wound_. He wanted to cradle him, take him away from this, from the pain. From his destiny. From the harsher parts of the world he’d been so used to. He wanted to take it all away so terribly._ _

__But his other hand found its way to the hand covering his face, his fingers gently intertwine with his and he moves that hand to his cheek, brushing his bangs aside, that he could look into both of his eyes._ _

__There is so much more to him than even he knows._ _

__He looks into those mismatched eyes, and he thinks back to his subtle mention of being cast aside, ridiculed, bullied for it. For this “curse” he was born into. He can see it clearly in his Echoes. Sure, he found solace in studies, but it was solace in solitude, hardly anyone dared feign interest in what he expressed. He was cast aside ever more. For his protection._ _

__The Echo’s pain subsides, and he sees those eyes again, those quivering, tear filled eyes._ _

__“...No one ever gives you enough credit for how much you’ve been through and still continue to go through...” he knew that he knew this, somewhere deep inside of his mind, but he felt he had to hear it_ _

__“Has anyone ever told you how strange and beautiful your mind is...? 'Tis such a labyrinth, but I’ve never wanted to explore something more.” He leans close to him, nearly bumping foreheads. His voice is a whisper now._ _

__“I would drown myself here and now before losing you, but fate is often a funny thing when I’m involved. So...would you challenge fate with me? I should think of no one else to do so with than you...Raha...”_ _

__There is no hopelessness in him but a sense of recognition. He has not the heart to deny A'tali outright, and yet in his heart he knows the truth-- he will not leave the Tower._ _

__Unable to answer properly through his tears, he seems only to collapse in on himself further. As if it has somehow lifted his inhibitions, he presses closer until he can gently nudge the tip of his nose against A'tali's, the chill of the water keeping him grounded despite the fire raging inside of him._ _

__"I believe in you. It... It is a lovely dream."_ _

__The warrior knew then that he had set his sights on what the voices tangling in his mind were telling him, that he wouldn’t deny them. That he had always hoped in some odd way that he too could be bound by destiny._ _

__He understood his drive to seek it out, despite wanting to deny it at the same time. He was the same way. He was changing in ways he never wanted to as well, but mayhap it made him a better person for it._ _

__His eyes closed in acceptance, as a single thumb extended itself to bush along the scholar’s bottom lip, wanting to memorize at least one part of him should this be the last adventure they share._ _

__“It is a dream I wish I could exist in with you forever...mayhap the voices would silence themselves and the world would treat you fairer.”_ _

__G’raha took a breath to still himself, for strength, for hope-- that he might return to the rest of NOAH with his faculties in place._ _

__"Then... Then it is our dream. And. You may always find me within it." His voice still shakes, but it comes out stronger than he thought he might be capable of._ _

__His ears flick back and he draws in a little intake of breath at the touch as the gentle waves lap at his skin. G'raha closes his eyes again for a moment, entranced by the myriad emotions ghosting across delicate features._ _

__Mayhap his gut feeling would be wrong. Mayhap A'tali's power, the Echo by which he had completed so many impossible feats would be enough to win the day by sheer willpower. His fingertips tighten slightly in the fabric covering the Warrior's back, and he leans in subtly as though to press a kiss to the pad of his thumb._ _

__"In that dream, I shall be yours always and you shall be mine, and all that binds us shall be uncoiled." His eyes drop again, another wave of sobs coming over him suddenly._ _

__As the tears arrive once more, A’Tali presses him ever closer, feeling his shaky breath against his lips, the tears rolling onto the backs of his hands. Despite the hurt and the pain he was releasing, the warrior was glad he wasn’t doing so alone. He couldn’t think of him like this had he not gone after him. Mayhap he would have kept it inside of him instead, just as he did everything else._ _

__He would think of such things no more. He had him now. He would stay by his side for as long as he was able._ _

__He held him as he cried, silent for a moment, before tilting his head back, allowing his tears to reflect off of the moonlight, his royal eye somehow burning ever brighter. oh how beautiful and terribly terribly sad he was  
“If that is what we dream of, then...allow me to chance my first step into it...”_ _

__The scholar’s breath became his own then, as his delicate, silent kiss tried to break that aching distance between them. He lost all of his cares in that moment, and it didn’t matter what came tomorrow or the day after that. They were here now. In this shared moment._ _

__He was more gentle than he’d ever been in his entire life as he backed away, pale eyes hesitantly meeting the other’s, satisfied and yet casting an apologetic stare.  
“We are no closer to being unbound by the ties of fate, but when have souls like ours ever abstained from selfish wants that higher beings dare not let us indulge in?”_ _

__There was the smell of lakewater, silty and earthen-- and the breeze that now felt nearly cold sweeping across it, the towering effigy that was Midgardsormr's last stand doing little to break the harsh winds that sometimes cut across the land. G'raha was aware of all of these things before he could allow himself to comprehend what was happening._ _

__A'tali moved slowly, so carefully-- as though he were approaching a wounded, trapped animal. Before he could think anything at all, the feeling of lips on his own washed over him, and G'raha's knees nearly buckled. That he would give it all up for this, this moment-- like a schoolboy with a crush, like a damsel in a novel-- gods did he want to, even as he knew that he would carry out the destiny he must._ _

__When A'tali broke the kiss, he found himself at a lack of words entirely. Rather than try to formulate something to say, he stared in silence for a moment, lashes fluttering-- and then leaned in to kiss him again, desperate for a little more; as if the taste of him could halt the march of time._ _

__When he returned to his lips again, he scarcely believed it was happening. To think everything could be so complicated and yet so simple with him, and only him. He wouldn’t think of it now though. He would think of nothing but him in this moment, that he would set aside his warrior’s path to be with him._ _

__His lips fairly tasted of the salty air that blew around them, but the warrior paid no mind. As a son of the sea so many years prior, he dared not complain about the taste. There was nothing about him to complain about._ _

__As it grew hungrier, he leaned in further, feeling the other trembling against him as if he were to collapse any moment. With barely a movement, he picked him up by his hips, holding him at his own as he remained attached to his lips._ _

__He would selfishly indulge in this moment, especially if their moments were fated to be limited._ _

__G'raha held onto A'tali as if his life depended on it. For the moment, perhaps it did. His shuddering began to let up if only in lieu of the rush of endorphins that the kiss had given him. He pressed closer to him, arms wound tightly around to cling to his shoulders as the lake's soft waves lapped at them._ _

__When A'tali grabbed at him, lifting him like he was nothing thanks to the water's assistance, he instinctively wrapped himself around him and buried his face in his shoulder. The curve of his neck tasted of salt and the battlefield._ _

__"I just want to stay with you like this-- just for a little while longer. If I can remember this moment always then..." If he could cling to the shreds of these moments then he could go into the dark. He knew he could. For the sake of the future. For the sake of the dream of the Ancients._ _

__A’Tali held him closely once he’d had him scooped up as he was, feeling him cling to his chest as if this was all natural, as if they’d done it so many times before. Mayhap they had, somewhere lost in time. Everything with him seemed so familiar yet so far from his grasp._ _

__“Then I permit you to stay with me until you can do so no longer. I...” he trailed, his eyes flickering down to the glittering pool beneath him, wondering how it was that he could remain calm nearly submerged like this. This man did things to him not even he could comprehend._ _

__“...I would dare not let you go upon our return tonight. I would ask that...you rest by my side...should you want this to remain.”_ _

__If he had had the energy to be coy, he would have been. Instead he merely gave a weak nod and remained there, carried by the water, carried by A'tali. Like the arms of the ocean. He'd only glimpsed it a few times in La Noscea, but sometimes he felt like it called to him, even now--_ _

__G'raha returned his attention to A'tali and pulled back enough to give a nod._ _

__"I'll stay with you. Until the end." It hurt to say, but he couldn't stop himself from saying it. The love that swelled in his heart felt less like something new and more like something that had come gushing up from within, as if it had always been there somehow._ _

__"And in the end I shall dream of you still."_ _

__A’Tali merely met the scholar with a smile, a warm, inviting grin that showed the slightest bit of fatigue. It had been a long day, and a long couple of weeks, but at the same time, he felt he’d been with the other not long enough. He never wanted him to leave, and this wasn’t enough._ _

__But such wants could never come to the warrior so easily, especially when it came to love.  
“Well...I’ll be with you even after the end, and I shall always keep you in my thoughts...” He mumbled in response, hardly expecting a reply as he readjusted the scholar at his hips._ _

__With one last glance to the tower, A’Tali turned on his heel, securing the other against him as he carried him back to shore. They were going to return soaked from the waist down, but he hardly cared. He nearly tried to hide the pleasing thought that he’d brought spare clothes, while G’raha severely lacked, especially as far as sleeping garments went. He would probably have to borrow his._ _

__To think such thoughts would invade his head in a moment like this, though mayhap it was what kept him going, a little bit of predictable, mortal thought._ _

__Once they reached shore, he gently set him down, grabbing for his boots and sighing as he soaked them when stepping in.  
“I’ll fill them in back at camp. You’ve no need to confront them when we return if you’d like to have a moment alone.”_ _

___G’raha was silent as he tugged his boots back on, though managed a small nod in response._  
—  
Their trek back had been an awful quiet one, but neither seemed to mind. Despite having walked along the path so many times, G’raha found himself wandering, straying from it in a way one would almost describe as drunkenly; the earlier wave of emotions had drained him quite a bit physically, and he was still prey to the voices whispering in the back of his head— though they had quieted since A’Tali’s arrival, he could not say when they would make their return. 

__Though he appreciated the comfort his presence brought. Had it been anyone else that had shown up, things wouldn’t have turned out even remotely the same. A’Tali just seemed to...understand, despite knowing nothing of his current state, or anything at all of how the Ancients worked. He seemed...perfectly fine, so G’raha allowed himself to drift._ _

__The warrior had noticed this, carefully looping his pinkie into the scholar’s to avoid anymore wandering. Perhaps, he thought, that was what caused him to leave in the first place. Whatever this affliction was caused by the tower, it was nothing friendly to them. Nevertheless, he would keep him close for the rest of the night, as he’d promised._ _

__When they’d reached Saint Coinach’s Find, G’raha finally allowed himself to come back to his senses, a shiver rolling up his spine as the voices receded further into the back corners of his brain— forced down by his willingness to be in the present._ _

__He felt it when A’Tali’s fingers slipped from his own, and he told himself to return to their tent. He could handle the conversation._ _

__Quickly ridding himself of his soaked clothes, he grabbed for his undergarments buried away in the corner, all the while listening to the bustle outside. The warrior explained to their worried colleagues that G’raha had simply wanted to get away for a moment, concerned about the weight of this mission. That things were ever growing heavier for him and he wished to be in bright spirits for those who could not find it. He was thankful that they believed him, and as their conversation quieted down, he finished tugging his pants on, laying himself flat against his sleeping mat._ _

__He thought of his life in hindsight then, staring blankly up at the tent’s gently waving roof; his days seemed number now, as it became clearer and clearer in his mind what exactly he would need to do at the end of it all. He had always been bound to the tower, and so he would protect it, and he would stand alongside Unei and Doga as the last of what Allag had to bring upon this world. The tower would sleep once more, and he would be it’s caretaker._ _

__All of this he knew now, whether he had always somehow knew it or not._ _

__He thought of this, as the warrior joined him in the tent, redressing himself as carefully as he could before laying himself beside him. He was...closer than usual, and the scholar could feel the gentle wisp of his breath against his ear. It flickered, and he turned to face him, albeit apprehensively. His energy was far spent now, but somehow, he wasn’t worried about such a thing around A’Tali._ _

__The warrior leaned in then, gently brushing back his bangs so that he could gaze upon his dual-toned eyes. It was quiet, and naught else could be heard but their quiet exhales. Had G’raha been even slightly energized at the moment, he would have searched his face for something, anything that would answer what this all meant._ _

__But perhaps he didn’t need one._ _

__The scholar didn’t react as he felt a gentle push against his back, the warrior ushering him against his chest and further embracing him. Subconsciously, he found himself wrapping his arms around his middle, sinking into the warmth that A’Tali provided. There was no conversation, no hesitation, they simply fit into each other like so._ _

__There was a gentle peck against G’raha’s forehead, and he knew it to be the Warrior’s subtle way of wishing him goodnight without having to say anything, as if he knew he would— as if they’d done it before._ _

__The whispers continued into the night, and his fate still lay in front of him, but G’raha listened to the gentle heart beating in his Warrior’s chest, feeling enveloped in an odd sort of calm— if he could stay in this moment just for now, mayhap it would all seem easier when the time came._ _

__Oh, the comfort of a final dream._ _


End file.
